For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
