u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
