You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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