i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
