I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
