How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
