I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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