Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
