For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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