she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
