...so i touched it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
