I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize