cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
