I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
