Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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