So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
