If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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