the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
