whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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