I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
