My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
