I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
