Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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