Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thus making me awesome and them whores
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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