drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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