I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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