The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
