I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
