You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
