I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My cat gives me a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
