You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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