She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
