Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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