Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
