imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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