1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
