so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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