I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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