i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
