Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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