You're my little dorito
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
