Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
