after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
