Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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