Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize