a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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