I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
