i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
