We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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