I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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