Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
