my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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