there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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