I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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