Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize