Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh god it's open bar.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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