Can Purell be used as lube?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
