My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
