i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
splinters make it hard to masturbate
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
