oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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