So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
