There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
