I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
