I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize