i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She bit a glass in half.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
