It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
