I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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