here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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