My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
