I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
